by - 05:10

A new chapter in Jack's life is about to start and to be honest I'm not sure if I'm ready for the change. Jack is starting Nursery in September. In around three weeks time he will be walking through the school gates and into another one of life's adventures. Bag in hand, he will trot off and no doubt absolutely love being able to play and learn whilst in the company of children of a similar age. Whilst I absolutely believe this is the perfect time for him to go to Nursery, I have been left wondering what I'm going to do without him.

For the last three years, I have spent Monday through to Friday at home with Jack as the stay at home parent. Whilst I have worked nightshifts at the weekends, being at home in the week has meant I have been there for many of Jack's milestones and have been lucky enough to enjoy a lot of time with him. We are intrinsically linked and I'm not sure I remember the person I was before he came into my life.

Whilst I evidently have many of the same characteristics, (I'm still a TV box set loving, chocolate eating girl) having Jack has meant that my whole life has changed. He has been the centre of my universe for the last few years and whilst he will no doubt always be that, I'm going to have a lot more time now alone without him. What am I going to do with that time? I have loved having him at home with me for as long as I have. I have loved going on days-out, having movie mornings and just spending my time with him. 

Jack will be attending Nursery for three hours a day, five days a week. With both myself and Wayne working, we did have the option to put Jack in thirty hours a week but opted for fifteen. In reality this is no time at all and after the school run, I'm going to get around 2 hours at home a day on my own. I've decided I'm going to use those two hours to find myself again. I never lost myself but being a mum has been my sole priority. Now I'm going to get a chance to be Claire. I'm going to spend time blogging and vlogging whilst also starting to practise my Flute. I am a Music Graduate and having Jack has meant that the last three years have been music free. Something just had to give and that was one of the things to go. 

I'm sure I'm going to struggle on that first day. Not because I'm worried about him but just because I'm going to miss him. I'm going to make sure he has gone in before I have a little cry. I can tell I definitely am going to be one of those mums.

 The problem with reflecting on the last three years is I'm only recalling the good times. Of course like every mum, I've had really tough parenting days. Ones where crying and tantrums have been the main order of the day. Where I've been stuck inside because of the rain and feel like I may loose my marbles if I have to play with his car collection one more time. There have definitely been tough days but I'm very lucky to have had the chance to experience it all. 

Now it's Jack's turn to experience new things. Whilst I'm not sure if i'm ready for this change, I'm going to embrace it as I'm sure that beautiful little boy of mine will absolutely embrace school and everything that goes with it.

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