Thursday, 28 January 2016

Am I Losing Myself?

As a blogger and vlogger, I regularly read posts and watch videos that resonate with me. From birth stories to toddler tantrums, I feel like bloggers and their honest and often thought provoking posts offer me reassurance as a mother. I am doing a good job! On tough days, that's all I need to hear.

Recently I watched a vlog by the lovely Natasha Bailie and Bethanie Lunn entitled Losing Yourself When You Become A Mum. It was all about the many ways you can lose yourself when you become a parent. Whilst it focused on fashion and how you can lose your sense of style when you become a parent, it really resonated further than that for me.

For a while now, I have found balancing my life as a mom very difficult. I currently am a stay at home mom to my beautiful 21 month old boy Jack. That essentially means that I stay at home Monday-Friday with him whilst my other half works. On a Friday and Saturday night I then work nightshifts. Balancing these two things is difficult enough. I feel like I never stop, never take a break and never rest. However, on the whole it is the best scenario possible. It allows me to stay at home and see Jack develop, provide for my family and keep my career in a job I enjoy.

The one thing that I seem to have essentially forgot about in this scenario is me. Not as a parent but just as Claire. I'm rarely seen without Jack and when I am I tend to be at work. My hair is often shoved up on top of my head. I often shower and then chuck it up as I believe I 'don't have time' to straighten it. The house in many ways isn't how I would like it as I often prioritise play and find it hard to keep on top of everything. Finally and most importantly I'm not entirely sure who I am anymore. I'm a mum and love everything that comes with it (well, nearly everything!) but I can't remember the person I was before I had Jack.

I've decided I need a little bit more of a balance in my life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying you need a break. I want to see my friends. Those friends that have become distant over the last two years as our lives have drifted in opposite directions. I'm still Claire, the only difference is that I have a child and Jack only makes me better! I'm going to leave him to entertain himself for five minutes whilst I make time to straighten my hair and put on make up. I make sure Jack looks lovely everyday. Why don't I spend the same time on myself?

It's amazing how sometimes all it takes is a simple video by two strangers for you to realise that it's ok to want to be two things. A mum and yourself!


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